Commentary by H.G. Listiak

Tuesday 2/24/2004

Welcome to My World, where lately I've talked about politically ridiculous jargon foisted upon college, high school, and elementary school students, but we will leave no child behind. We must make the traditional old Mother Goose nursery rhymes P.C. let's start with Jack and Jill. It would go like this. Two gender neutral individuals went up a hill to voluntarily fill a request for water. One individual fell and suffered a slight concussion and the other fell as well. (Don't worry children, both sued the hill owner with the slippery grass and were awarded millions, which they gave to charities, and that's a good thing.) How about the old lady who lived in the shoe? There once was an age advanced individual who lived in footwear who had so many younger individuals she became confused and treated them poorly. (But don't worry children, C.P.S. was involved and the age advanced female lost her foster parent license, and that's a good thing.) Or how about the cat and the fiddle? Like this. Hey expletive deleted twice, the feline with the stringed instrument, the bovine orbited the lunar orb. The size sensitive canine cachinated, as the china did a bad thing while leaving with the flatware. (Children there is no message here other than not all china and flatware are bad.) How about rub-a-dub-dub three men in a tub? Of course the cruel butcher, purveyor of red meat, died of heart failure, but it turned out well for the other two male individuals when the tub landed at the San Francisco Court House. Or how about Little Jack Horner, who sat in the corner eating his Christmas pie. It would be an individual who consumed a plum with his thumb while celebrating the birth of the individual's religious leader. (Well children, you've been told to not eat with your fingers or thumb, but they do that in several other cultures so it's a good thing to be sensitive to their eating habits, but please check with your parenting partners first.) Had enough? Oh just a little more. Let's look at the Mary's, one was deemed quite contrary because of her garden, which is very judgemental and wrong, and the other possessed an age sensitive bovine whose fleece was white as snow. Now that doesn't mean other colored bovines are bad, it only means that her little lamb could not enroll at Michigan, as I see it ... I'm H.G. Listiak.