Commentary by H.G. Listiak
Straight Eye For The Queer Guy
Welcome to my world. There's a hit show on Bravo called, "Queer Eye For The Straight Guy". Somehow it seems that even the most homophobic hombre, stud, or redneck is watching and laughing, as the Fab-5 gay guys put an almost feminine eye on a regular guy, helping him not to go gay or anything, but to target the lady of his dreams, or sometimes nightmares. But, you know, fair is fair. As a regular hetrosexual kind of guy, I've decided to help the Gay-5 with a better understanding of the male hog pen. I call it "Straight Eye For The Queer Guy". Gents, at the end of your program, you sit around drinking out of crystal goblets. No, No, No! It's streaked glasses, cans, mugs, even mason jars, and there's no need to wash them because you are only going to get them wet again. Piles of clothes are good for keeping track of when you're out of clean stuff, and it's not necessary to separate colors when you stuff the piles into the washer. Also, making your bed is a waste of time since you're only going to mess it up again. And what's all this fuss about hair? Why do you think God made ball caps? As far as home decor goes, colors really don't have to match, and if you go out and kill it, it's okay to hang it on the wall. And what's all this cooking at home, unless you nuke it in the microwave. And there's no point in washing dishes until both sides of the sink are full. And the smell will tell you when it's time to take out the garbage. The queer guy fashion is cute, but you don't have to go to Saks, when Target has the same colors. And don't push up your sleeves. You cut them off. Never, never, ever worry about the color of your socks. It really doesn't make much difference if you are wearing boots. And they don't have to be changed every day unless they fail the "sniff" test. The same goes for underwear. And my last tip for the queer guy from the straight eye is that disgusting bodily noises are acceptable when showing appreciation for good food or beverages, as long as there are no ladies present, as I see it ... I'm H.G. Listiak.