Commentary by H.G. Listiak

Wednesday 10/29/2003

Welcome to my world, where not only is the Mexican border leaking, but we've got other states leaking people into Arizona at an alarming pace. Everyone seems to want to be an Arizonan. So how do you know if you are a real Arizonan? I'm here to help.

You are a real Arizonan if you've only seen the Grand Canyon once, or not at all. If you didn't give a rat's ass if the Cubs or Red Sox went to the World Series, you may be a real Arizonan. If you think the 4A, 5A, and 6A busses will take you to good deer hunting areas, you might be a real Arizonan. If you remember when Jerome was a real ghost town or went to Sedona just to steal apples, you might be a real Arizonan. If you still believe Scottsdale is the west's most western town, or if you have ever looked for the Lost Dutchman's gold, you might be a real Arizonan. If you ate Marie Coyle's ice cream until you got sick, or if Beefeaters and Durants were your favorite restaurants, you might be a real Arizonan. If you ever cruised Central, and stopped at Big Boy's for fries and sex, you might be a real Arizonan. If you think cactus candy is stupid or shopped downtown, you might be an Arizonan. If you still drive on Grand Avenue, or learned to play golf at Encanto or Papago, you might be a real Arizonan. If you have ever had a picnic at Encanto Park without your gun, you might be a real Arizonan. If you know how to get your SUV into four wheel drive, or if your Hispanic friends speak better English than you do, you might be a real Arizonan. And if you've ever driven to Flagstaff to the all Indian pow wow just to hear the music, you know you're a real Arizonan, as I see it ... I'm H.G. Listiak.