Commentary by H.G. Listiak

Monday 08/11/2003

Welcome to my world, where I've always been a little in awe of Japanese ingenuity. In several trips to the land of the rising sun, I seem to always run into new gadgetry. They are always coming up with new stuff or new twists on old stuff. Their latest device is especially intriguing to me since I have expressed my morning regularity in the woods, port-a-johns, outhouses and of course your more modern facilities. From johns to loos around the world I have partaken of a potpourri of porcelain plumbing. Although far from being the Prince of Potties, I do appreciate a good comfort station. The Cadillacs of all cans are now being made by the Toto Company in Japan. They have basically three models ranging in price from 700 to 1200 dollars, all of these super loos, loaded with extras. The seats of course are heated with a no slam feature so he cannot show off, to she, that he is serious about putting the seat down. Toss away your book of matches, the spray deodorizer is automatic. There is also a recording of rushing water to mask the sometimes disgusting sounds of nature's call. The seats spray warm jets of water to clean the most sensitive areas with a water massage option for those who may be a little tense on the Toto toilet. A stream of warm air will dry one's posterior, with the American models including a remote control. Get ready friends. The Toto Company has planned a very aggressive marketing campaign here in the U.S.A. with print and television advertising. They want to enlighten Americans about toilet hygiene. Their biggest problem according to their sales department will be the American male who may consider it un-macho. A problem easily solved with free subscriptions to Field And Stream, Road and Track, Playboy and two-day-old newspaper… as I see it, I'm H.G. Listiak.